Sit. Eat. Chat. Sounds simple enough, right?
Yet, for those with social anxiety, joining a meal can feel excruciating. We are confined to a spot, and everyone is focused on each other. However, eating together is a good way to bond with others. Let us explore how we can cope with our social anxiety and bond:
Think back
A saying goes “If I had an hour to solve a problem, I’d spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem, and five minutes thinking about solutions”. It could help to first identify our specific fears.
Think back and try to recall what was upsetting:
Am I boring?
There are too many people!
They are judging me!
Let us jot down our fears so that we know what to work on.
Prepare
Has “I’m boring… I have nothing fun to talk about” crossed your mind? We can prepare conversation topics by reading up on current events, the latest books, movies, or games. Alternatively, we can also recall recent memories that we are comfortable to share with others. Note these down so that we can refer to them during our meals!
Relaxation techniques
Conversation topics? Check. But what about our emotions? To help manage them, here are some useful relaxation techniques:
Taking long, slow breaths and focus on them.
Noticing our emotions and letting them wash over us.
Progressive muscle relaxation by slowly tensing and then relaxing different muscles in your body, one at a time.
Find the techniques that work best for you and practise them before you head out!
Sit firm!
Is “There are too many diners!” a familiar thought? Let’s start small and first dine with one person. During the meal, remember to use your prepared conversation topics and employ relaxation techniques to bear with the stress. Paying attention to how often the embarrassing situations we are afraid of actually take place will also help us.
Focus on others
“Am I appropriately dressed?”, “Am I chewing too loudly?”. There are so many things about ourselves that we can pick on. What if we focused on others instead? Some things to consider include:
Do you like their appearance?
Does their food look tasty?
What emotions are they experiencing?
As a bonus, we can even comment on them to keep the conversation going!
Clarify
“You look…great.”
“Why the pause? Oh no…I must look terrible!”
When in doubt, it can be helpful to clarify. The person could have sincerely meant it and was simply struggling to find thier words!
Consistently march on!
Practice makes perfect. Let us try to consistently have meals with others, and when comfortable, consider increasing the amount of people at the table.
We hope that some of these will help you, and that we will all be able to eat together with our loved ones. Let us no longer be trapped between the rock (anxiety) and a hard place (feeling lonely from missing out on meals with others)!